tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-872944315274716792024-03-05T01:20:20.826-08:00Rowett's CornerAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157950981557803096noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87294431527471679.post-29224773268039973362014-11-03T14:06:00.000-08:002014-11-04T02:33:28.024-08:00The Psychology of Rowett<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI8FvcMTvVtA-KvvJl-nUV35_aG7FEM506mLrhpuD3z1ohMnbGcPSrDKMWca3u3ISRnD3Xot5XkY6dNeYUYthC3se2jfYX1AeHQC3rlFF5c1UPpXzPwtHgMrIfO6xQVG7ElmofNmvqM6qy/s1600/gary-rowett.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI8FvcMTvVtA-KvvJl-nUV35_aG7FEM506mLrhpuD3z1ohMnbGcPSrDKMWca3u3ISRnD3Xot5XkY6dNeYUYthC3se2jfYX1AeHQC3rlFF5c1UPpXzPwtHgMrIfO6xQVG7ElmofNmvqM6qy/s1600/gary-rowett.jpg"></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Since the Blues decided to embrace technology [about ten years after everybody else], ticket availability has been advertised via an online map of the St Andrew's stadium, which in turn is divided into 'sectors'. </span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A green sector means you can take your family, your picnic hamper, a rug to sit on and you're likely to not lay eyes upon another mortal soul for 90 minutes. </span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Yellow?....So-so. You might be wedged in front of a couple of Bronx hat-wearers, spitting bits of peanut at the back of your head while they heckle the ref. But you can move. There's spare seats.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Red? Well we've not seen a 'code red' since the before time, the glorious Bruce days, since the 2005 Galacticos set the league on fire. A red block on the e-St Andrews map means it's sold out and there's not a seat to be had.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Well something weird happened today....<i>we've got a code red</i>.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Even as I write this, whole blocks are changing from green to red, one after another. It's almost akin to a sci-fi film when a ship's force-field is failing under prolonged attack.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You might imagine Amir [the excitable and amiable ticket office assistant] as the St Andrew's version of Scotty, twirling on his office chair back and forth across the room while a siren blares, smoke shoots out of the pipes and all the phones in the office ring unanswered. The club can't keep up with the demand.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Status report Amir?</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">'St Andrew's is 15% green laddy, and plummeting quickly!'</span></span><br><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">What's causing this surge in uptake? What's smashing the availability of tickets for tomorrow's game with Watford?</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It's not the Klingons, or the Daleks or the Ewoks....</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">....It's Rowett fever.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Go to Birmingham and you'll see a city frantically chatting away. The foreign bus drivers are talking about Gary Rowett, the fruit sellers are discussing Rowett, the kids are talking about Rowett, the Birmingham internet forums are alive with the sound of Rowett. Members of the Blues Trust are sending their servants into their grand, opulent, attics to dust down their late 90s Auto-Windscreen emblazoned shirts and present them ready to wear.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The appointment of Gary Rowett has created a tidal wave of optimism that has smashed into the people of Birmingham, washing away the negativity and the misery, cleansing them of despair.</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">On the face of it the delirium seems misplaced. The uncaring, mysterious, distanced and damaging Hong Kong regime 'BIH' still own the club and look no closer to even wanting to sell. Finances are still cripplingly tight. The squad remains a mish-mash of young unproven academy products, free transfers from the lower leagues and wrinkled, aging pros on a last meal ticket. Blues fans continue to look to the transfer window with sheer terror. The overall situation hasn't changed much.</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Yet Rowett's appointment has sent the masses into euphoria. Why? </span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Being an idiot who will occasionally buy a psychological book in the best-sellers stand at an airport bookstore, I must admit that I find the area fascinating when I get around to dipping my toe into literary titles like 'The 48 Laws of Power', 'The Art of Seduction' and 'The Chimp Complex' - all works loosely based on the techniques you can use to improve how others view you.</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Rowett seems to embody a hell of a lot of the principles found in these books - conciously or subconciously.</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Firstly the man, whilst not classically good looking, has an attractive vibe to him. Researchers everywhere from Ancient Greece to the London School of Economics have found that the more attractive you are, the better people treat you, think of you and behave around you.</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Dr Gordon Patzer studied the phenomenon for three decades:</span></span><br>
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<a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wired-success/201208/im-successful-because-im-beautiful-how-we-discriminate" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">"According to Dr. Gordon Patzer, who has concluded 3 decades of research
on physical attractiveness, human beings are hard-wired to respond more
favorably to attractive people: “Good-looking men and women are
generally regarded to be more talented, kind, honest and intelligent
than their less attractive counterparts.” </span></a><br>
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<a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wired-success/201208/im-successful-because-im-beautiful-how-we-discriminate" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Patzer contends, “controlled studies show people go out of their way to help attractive people—of the same sex and opposite sex—because they want to be liked and accepted by good-looking people.” Even studies of babies show they will look more intently and longer at attractive faces, Patzer argues."</span></a><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dion, Berscheid & Walster called this 'the halo effect':</span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_effect#Role_of_attractiveness" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"Results showed that participants overwhelmingly believed more attractive subjects have more socially desirable personality traits than either averagely attractive or unattractive subjects."</span></span></a><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Part of Rowett's appeal is that he's a good looking bloke, and we therefore subconsciously assume he's going to be a good manager.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The 'halo effect' has undoubtedly added to the success of managers like José Mourinho, for example.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I believe the opposite is true too. Ugly managers have to work their bollocks off to get praise. Steve McLaren and Steve Bruce being two great examples. </span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Like Mourinho, Rowett also employs another devastatingly effective social tactic....he's immaculately dressed.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">By switching the muddy tracksuit for a smart shirt, chinos, shoes, a neck-scarf, even a snood. This creates status, engenders a sense of professionalism.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If you look the part, people will assume that you are the part.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">'That guy's wearing a scarf and a suit, he MUST be a good manager'. </span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Rowett knows this, and again, adds this tactic to his arsenal.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The visual will only get you so far, however. Looking the part must be coupled with high status behaviour.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When Gary Rowett joined the guy off Blue Peter and Peter Beagrie during the reflective post-match show after Blues drew with Wolves at Molineux on Saturday morning, he seemed to steal the focus by talking slowly and calmly in a relaxed, informed, confident manner that emitted an aura, a sense of gravitas. Not only did the viewers learn about the game from the content of Rowett's post-match comments, but the way Rowett used the tools of rhetoric so effectively added to this 'cool' reputation that is building quickly.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In many ways Rowett is the anti-Ed Miliband, whose ugliness, geekiness and awkward, nasally, way of speaking is making what should be an easy Labour win in the next election appear shaky to say the least.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When you add the innate attributes Rowett has that make him appealing on a psychological level to the fact he's an ex-Blues player himself, and is born in the suburbs of Greater Birmingham, you quickly start to realise just why this guy is getting a lot of Brummie love.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">All peoples in every corner of the globe idolise that which reminds them of themselves. In Rowett, when we hear his soft South Birmingham tones, it immediately resonates with us. Exactly the same reason Peaky Blinders is immensely popular in the West Midlands region. We're proud when we see one of our own succeed - especially because there is a perception that Brummies and West Midlanders in general are largely beaten down and ridiculed by the rest of the nation.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Rowett has emerged as a Brummie Julius Caesar type character, ready to rally the Brummie legions together, create a siege mentality and drag Blues up the table kicking and screaming.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It also helps that he's coming across as extremely positive. He refuses to mention the 8-0, the prior management, he's bringing players back in from the cold, he's pumping out a positive message in between making thoroughly complimentary remarks about the club and the fans in heartfelt way.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNYgplRYPt6K5xR4lM1dGPGlmtzpJ1Md5pY4xGptZ7LDQSLwHnwp67xhdrruiRePNe6JnfRLn86xxNLVZg2vdmqI5alOE1rHI3R1pAI8DDeN3HzigVKeuGHp3UWLo3ShqWSCbeJFqM75qe/s1600/165668803_rowett_793219c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNYgplRYPt6K5xR4lM1dGPGlmtzpJ1Md5pY4xGptZ7LDQSLwHnwp67xhdrruiRePNe6JnfRLn86xxNLVZg2vdmqI5alOE1rHI3R1pAI8DDeN3HzigVKeuGHp3UWLo3ShqWSCbeJFqM75qe/s1600/165668803_rowett_793219c.jpg" height="213" width="320"></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The Blues fans are absolutely desperate to find a messiah too.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">They are the romantic, working class hordes of the city. Simple people, the people of the earth. They will follow unquestioningly, and they have been ill-treated time and time again.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Chris Hughton will never be held in such high regard as he was at Blues. The fans worshiped him, forgave every mistake, afforded patience, yet he abandoned them on the sinking ship as he fled to Norwich.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This is a fanbase that put up with McLeish's horrific anti-football for the best part of four seasons, witnessed two relegations because of it and didn't even boo in protest, when other fans [such as Blackburn, Blackpool, Newcastle, Villa] would have burned the ground down in similar circumstances.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When Birmingham first reached the Premiership, and they signed their first big, foreign type player [Aliou Cissé], the guy was treated as the king of Birmingham despite being a really average, cumbersome, central midfielder.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The Birmingham fans are desperate for something, somebody, to get behind, a receptacle for their unwavering passionate support.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In Rowett, they may have finally found such a figure.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And Rowett himself is on to an obvious winner. Faced with a fanbase that is at its lowest ebb and in search of a hero; taking over a team that is in the relegation zone and has just lost 8-0, and having all the psychological 'cool tools' at his disposal - it's difficult to see Rowett failing at Blues.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">If Blues go down, Rowett can rightfully say 'it wasn't my fault' and blame the ownership problems or even the previous manager. If Blues stay up, the Brummie Julius Caesar will have the desperate hordes eating out of his hands. Rowett will be raised to demi-God status.</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Ultimately if the ownership issues don't change, Rowett's charm will one day work on a club in the Premiership, and the drive and ambition in the man that saw him leave Burton for Blues will see him leave Blues to progress.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">On such a day the Blues hordes' love for Rowett will turn to anger, with the vitriol of a spurned lover.</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I'll probably have to dig out a new internet username too.</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But in the mean time, let's enjoy the journey. Let's ride this tidal wave of positivity, let's get behind local lad Rowett and his attempts to unite the Brummies, let's turn all of those green sectors red for the Watford game tomorrow.</span></span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Otherwise if you don't you'll upset Amir in the ticket office, and that'd be ever such a shame because he is such a nice chap.</span></span><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157950981557803096noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87294431527471679.post-48219510685557932042014-10-25T18:52:00.000-07:002014-10-25T19:01:53.651-07:00The Destruction of St Andrews<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgihky1s78AIMU7-mg-H0B5Wg1Ac7YIBZoA9EtBACSX5VQHXiZfmtJCoGLoom81bmcLjdPysHwF1c6y3RfQVE92L0G4E455paKvyB8-0lX4V8TAhe4FBe12_TOxs6YLkrBiCy18XMGsx03u/s1600/931568592.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgihky1s78AIMU7-mg-H0B5Wg1Ac7YIBZoA9EtBACSX5VQHXiZfmtJCoGLoom81bmcLjdPysHwF1c6y3RfQVE92L0G4E455paKvyB8-0lX4V8TAhe4FBe12_TOxs6YLkrBiCy18XMGsx03u/s1600/931568592.jpg" height="488" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The fortress of St Andrews stood imposingly on the horizon as we walked towards the home of the Blues. The sun-light bounced off the glass windows and reflective paneling, the rooftop flags danced in the wind, twisted fences of metal surrounded the perimeter.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This was one of the toughest places to go in football. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Just three seasons ago, when Hughton reigned, Blues were unbeaten in 22 of their 23 home games. Even in the days of the Premiership, the likes of Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal rarely escaped the ground with their dignity intact [the latter losing two titles on the hallowed Birmingham turf].</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The chubby Spaniard - Rafa Benitez - piled up the greatest riches the sport had to offer whilst manager at Liverpool. Yet even this Anfield legend failed to taste a single league victory at the Blues.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">From the isolated, cold, wind-swept, Northern fishing villages of Newcastle and Sunderland, to the farms of Norwich and Ipswich, all and sundry feared the St Andrews fixture.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As we got closer to the ground, it became noticeable that the streets were half empty. A palpable silence floated through the air, only broken by the sizzling of the unsold burgers now burning on the grills of the food stalls. Nobody was here.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The metal fences had started to rust. The once powerful royal blue had faded to a sickly grey. The walls were peeling, crying out for a new lick of paint. I looked down at my feet, I found myself standing on a pavement comprised of crumbling bricks which seemed to whisper ghost-like personal messages from deceased Brummies. "Make us proud, remember we're Blues, never forget what we stand for."</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A shadow blinked in the corner of my eye, a Blues fan scarpered from an alleyway and then vanished in an instant, like a mouse hoping to escape attention by racing into a hole in the floorboards.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The shutters of a window flapped in the distance. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We entered the ground. In the thoroughfare a bunch of Blues fans had gathered. These were gaunt men with worn faces, standing in contemplative silence, defeated people bedraggled with fatigue. Ten years ago these were monsters, warriors, Spartans ready to raise the roof off the fortress and create a hostile cauldron of noise fueled by working class aggression. Now they were meekly nibbling cheese and onion pasties and playing Candy Crush on their iPhones.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We emerged from the dark, cavernous thoroughfare and were blinded by huge waves of bright blue empty seats which splashed against pockets of supporters huddling together in the crisp October air. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As I looked over to block 21 where me and my dad sat from 1995 to 2013, where we'd experienced every emotion as football fans over the best part of two decades: feeling the highs of thrashing the Villa 3-0 on that famed September night; the intense drama as we never gave up against Ipswich in the semi-finals of the league cup as the whole stand literally shook in excitement; and finally the heartbreak of shock play-off defeats at home to Watford and Barnsley. I now saw an abandoned block, with no life or movement except for a plastic bag blowing in the wind underneath a 'Hollywood Monster' sponsor board.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Gone were me and my dad. So too had Sue and Dave vanished. And the four Zulus who used to come late every week and miss kick off. And that guy with the goatee who made everyone laugh. And Brian. And old man Larry who would offer everybody a sweet from his bag which never seemed to empty. They were all ghosts of a bygone era.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The few Blues fans left in the stadium were haunted figures. Sitting in silence, awaiting their fate. They reclined in their chairs, and stared at the sky, with glazed eyes and miserable countenances. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Many lacked the energy to speak, or even react to the events on the field, as if they were characters on an Antarctic film, had got lost and were slowly freezing to death.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Bournemouth scored. The frozen, older Blues fans remained unperturbed, still staring at the sky, inert with indifference.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Small bands of younger Birmingham fans started abusing the Blues players. Jeering every misplaced pass. Booing bouts of poor play. Shouting and swearing in high pitched voices, creating an atmosphere of panic, negativity and hostility.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Birmingham players reacted by actively hiding from the football. Treating it like a hot potato. They let the indignant screams of the hotheaded younger fans get to them and started making foolish mistakes. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Bournemouth scored again, and scored again. The half time whistle blew. The angry young Blues fans snarled and spat boos. The zombified Birmingham fans rose in synchronisation. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The half time entertainment started. An awkward Birmingham fan had to chip three balls into the net from varying distances without the ball bouncing in order to win some prizes. As the tubby contestant chipped the ball around, wry smiles broke on the faces of the Birmingham fans - light relief from the torture of the football. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Yet these smiles were soon wiped out as the players re-emerged for the second half. The zombies in the stands sat down and resumed their fixed positions and the younger hate-filled Birmingham fans returned from the bars and food stands with bits of pie and pasty splattered around the corners of their saggy cheeks.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Many Birmingham fans had fled the ground at 3-0. Many more abandoned the once impenetrable fortress when Bournemouth's fourth and fifth went in. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">On Bournemouth scoring their sixth and seventh the sky went an ominous black and the clouds swirled in disarray. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Young babes and children in their parents arms let out a piercing, bloodcurdling scream, and begged their parents to take them home and never bring them back again. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Women swooned in the stands. Men fell about with grief, pounding the floor with their fists, begging for an end to come quick.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Bournemouth players were throwing up on the sidelines. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Eddie Howe, the Bournemouth manager, burst into a flood of tears. Unable to comprehend the horrible and tragic event he was witnessing.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">He wanted Bournemouth to win today, but not at the expense of destroying one of the nation's most-loved and respected sides in such a comprehensive manner.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Two Birmingham fans, totally shattered and broken, in a last ditch effort, invaded the pitch, burst past the BIH agents and hurled their season tickets into the air before being caught and taken into the dark, torture cells in the abyss of the St Andrews basement. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Malcolm Crosby escaped out of a side-door.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">At the full time whistle Bournemouth had scored eight, and what was once the great and feared St Andrews was now nothing but a patch of grass.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Birmingham fans scarpered out and hurried into their cars, as they zipped past, the sound of Tom Ross sighing from the radio became audible to all who lined the dusty roads out of Small Heath. The smoke from St Andrews billowed into the air.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As I got home, my dad was sitting on the sofa watching 'Beauty and the Geek: Australia'.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">'Blues were shit then?'</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">'Yeah' I replied, hanging my coat up.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">'I dunno why you still bother.' </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">'Yeah..me neither, but hey ho, it's something to do I suppose.' I shrugged.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157950981557803096noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87294431527471679.post-48823464816533538642014-10-19T16:50:00.002-07:002014-10-20T00:36:32.190-07:00The Purge of the Trolls<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Rome, and
the year is 1633. An unwell, frail, elderly man nearly 70 years old is dragged
into a darkened room lit by flickering candle light.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The guards
hurl the old man to the ground. Overlooking this aggression is a panel of jurors,
the Roman Inquisition, working on behalf of the Catholic Church. The old man is
Galileo, and he’s on trial for heresy.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For Galileo
had written a works entitled ‘<i>Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World
Systems’ </i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">which spoke at length
about the two competing theories relating to the Earth and Sun’s relative
movements in space. The official stance of the Catholic Church was that the Sun
revolved around the Earth [which was the central body of the solar system].
Galileo was suspected of supporting the rival heliocentric position – that the
Earth orbited the Sun.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">The trial didn’t go too well for Galileo. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">On being found guilty of promoting the idea that the Sun was the solar
system’s central body and taking the heretical position against the Church, the
old man sighed and looked upwards, stamped his foot on the ground and uttered,
dejectedly, ‘and yet it moves’.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Galileo, the near 70 year old scientist was then dragged back to his
cell to face a gruesome death by torture. It was only after a doctor
interjected, late in the hour, that Galileo was far too old and ill to be
tortured to death was the scientist given the ‘lighter’ sentence of life
imprisonment where he would be forced to read the Psalms of Confession section
of the Bible, every week, until the end of time, or death – whichever came
first.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Within ten years Galileo died whilst under house arrest, after spending
his last few years a blind man whose name had been dragged through the mud.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">So much for scientific thought.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">History is littered with incidents like Galileo’s fall from prominence.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Many of these tragedies we know about, but there’s also many we don’t
know about because historical records have been lost to us through war, fire,
flooding or even because the enemies of the individual didn’t want us to find
out.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Throughout time immemorial has the individual with the unorthodox
opinion been harassed, maltreated and often…killed…by the majority, by the mob.
There’s incidents stretching back from Ancient Greece all the way to our modern
day. Perhaps it’s part of our DNA as a people.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Worryingly however, where once we looked back upon history and
haughtily tutted, dismissing our ancestors as a bunch of reactionary idiots…the
issue has become hugely relevant in our modern world. We’re becoming almost as
bad. All of a sudden we now have this notion of ‘trolling’ which has been
appropriated by the media and is currently spiralling out of control.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">I’m a guy in my twenties, the rise of social media has coincided with
my journey from teenager to adult. Myspace rose to prominence during my late teens,
Twitter emerged as a powerhouse in my early twenties. I feel confident in
discussing the issue. Let’s be frank, there are trolls out there. To deny the
problem would be folly. There are strange, slightly autistic, chubby types who
sit in their parents’ basement and relentlessly post death threats to
celebrities, or ‘invade’ Facebook groups dedicated to dead children and post
horrendously offensive, graphic content.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">These people are mentally ill. They’re somewhere on the spectrum.
There’s an argument to suggest that they themselves are victims of sorts, and
their vile online behaviour is the manifestation of a failed life of misery,
where the troll lashes out at the world in order to alleviate their own inner
problems and inadequacies.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">But the scary thing is……the media have now picked up the term, and the
media tends to be full of people from an older generation who don’t truly
understand social media or the internet and since finding out about
‘trolling’…. they’re applying the term to absolutely everybody.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Any opinion uttered online that contradicts the common thought is now slammed
as trolling. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Had Twitter existed in 1633, you can absolutely guarantee that Galileo
would have been dismissed and derided as a troll. Of this I have no doubt. For
questioning the popular mind-set he would have been portrayed as an online
sicko, as a member of the dregs of society. The ‘trolling’ criticism would have
been hurled at him to not only besmirch his name, but censor him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can see the headlines in the press…’<i>Sick
Troll Blasts Bible with Crankpot Sun Theory’</i>. Galileo would have been
relegated from a human to some inhuman ‘troll’ that lurks in the shadows intent
on upsetting people. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An entity beyond
reason.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikwfmSX6vbP0xoPQKCrAr3eSFubCsWqqXXmVQCvQc3aZCqBBY8rVSRzbwb8Uv-27sWf3vgJHOhqBuaeIznKl5Lbjpf9P0WuSUE0_7fie2EOy-hvKYWjJuuBM7SppXJcDvshzIeFLmFjSgK/s1600/650px-Galileo-sustermans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikwfmSX6vbP0xoPQKCrAr3eSFubCsWqqXXmVQCvQc3aZCqBBY8rVSRzbwb8Uv-27sWf3vgJHOhqBuaeIznKl5Lbjpf9P0WuSUE0_7fie2EOy-hvKYWjJuuBM7SppXJcDvshzIeFLmFjSgK/s1600/650px-Galileo-sustermans.jpg" height="294" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">In recent weeks the Madeline McCann incident has risen to the surface
in regards to the trolling phenomenon.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Everybody knows the narrative. Madeline disappeared from a holiday home
in Portugal while the parents were nearby socialising with friends at a
restaurant.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Many people in society remain irritated by this case, and are utterly
dismayed and incredulous that parents would leave a three year old unattended
for a period of time [no matter how many times the children were checked upon].
Furthermore the McCanns always seemed to lack charisma in their numerous
television interviews, and when they released a book about the controversy and
took on almost celebrity status, many mothers around the nation became pretty…irked.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">When Brenda Leyland, a 63 year-old, mother of two, used her Twitter
account to criticise the conduct of the McCanns during and after the
disappearance incident it wasn’t mindless trolling for giggles, but merely an
emotional mother giving a rather forthright and passionate opinion on the
matter [one which went against the view espoused throughout the media].</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">The media caught wind of Brenda’s online criticisms and utterly destroyed
the woman. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">They published her photos across the national newspapers, they
published her whereabouts, ruined her life, they branded her ‘The McCann
Troll’, snatching away her status as a human being, relegating her into some
cartoonish villain.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Sky News set camp up outside her front door, pointed cameras at the
household and accosted Brenda whenever she left the house. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">She was living under siege.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">As the sun set, and the sky darkened to night, Brenda fled her home,
gathered up what meagre possessions she could carry and attempted to escape the
attention of the cameras and the ravenous media.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">24 hours later, Brenda Leyland, the middle class, 63 year old mother of
two was found dead on a bed in a Leicestershire hotel room.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">This wasn’t the chubby, mentally ill, oddball in their parents’
basement posting crude rape jokes about dead people for a cheap laugh…..this
was just an average mother with a seemingly passionate fixation about the
welfare of children and happened to think the McCanns had been negligent.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Her mistake was to voice this opinion.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">The night Brenda’s lifeless body, or, as the media put it, ‘the McCann
Troll’s lifeless body was carried out of the Leicestershire hotel room her son
Ben typed on Facebook:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“I love you mum and I will miss you
forever.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">She had aired
a controversial opinion online, one which opposed the prevailing mind-set and
she had paid the penalty.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Suzanne
Moore in The Guardian reacted in predictable fashion [remember the older
generation of journalists tend to misuse internet terminology] by
conflating Brenda Leyland in with all other mad trolls, as attention seekers,
or just insane or sick. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The important separation of somebody merely challenging
the orthodox view and giving an opinion with somebody launching a campaign of
mindless hate was just ignored. ‘All these trolls are the same’ was the inference,
and that all online criticism which <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">some </i>people
find offensive should be outlawed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">She snapped about
these twitter trolls writing stuff that they wouldn’t say in real life. About a
people who thrive through anonymity.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But surely,
the reason people like Brenda Leyland felt the need to criticise through the
internet was because if she voiced her views in public she might have been met
with violence, verbal abuse and social ostracism – surely that is a greater
criticism of an intolerant society? Of a culture which seeks to silence
diversity of opinion? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When we see
old Galileo locked in his house and forced to read the Bible every day, or
Brenda Leyland dead in a hotel room, is there any wonder people seek anonymity
when delivering alternative views? It’s far safer that way.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As I write
this article the main headline on Sky News, in pure Brass Eye fashion, is that
online trolls are to be handed two year PRISON sentences. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">This of course throws
up all sorts of questions...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">How do you
define trolling?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Is it merely
the causing of offence?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">If so, how
do you measure offence?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What’s wrong
with being offended?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Is trolling
exclusively the weirdo who posts about shagging murder victims on Facebook? Or
is it an elderly mother that makes controversial observations about current
affairs?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Or if you’re
Suzanne Moore, do you just lock them all up and swallow the key?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It doesn’t
take a mad conspiracy theorist sitting in a cupboard with a frying pan on his
head to see the easy jump from arresting trolls who post personal insults to
celebrities, to the imprisonment of trolls who question government policy, or
wars, or immigration policy, or well….anything that the powers that be deem to
be offensive.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">There has to
be a line drawn in the sand, we’re mostly sensible adults, we should be able to
discern the difference between posting death threats to actors and offering a
criticism about a current affairs issue.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The
political correctness of ‘causing offence’ started off as a just concept and
aimed to protect minority groups, reduce violence and discrimination, but
somewhere along the line it has transmuted into an uncontrollable beast that is
increasingly impinging on all areas of public life. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Stephen Fry has a fantastic
quote about the sheer ridiculousness of the notion of ‘offence’:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">“It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm
rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually
nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it
has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by
that.' Well, so fucking what."</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="line-height: normal; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> -
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">Stephen Fry</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="line-height: normal; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="line-height: normal; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">As we move towards a society where ‘causing offence’
becomes illegal, and as the net of what is deemed offensive widens to
incorporate…well…..everything, more and more of us will fall foul of the
ever-changing and increasingly irrational rules.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"> </span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Anybody with an ounce of personality will
become a troll. It now seems inevitable.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">Let’s
just hope there’s enough seats under the bridge for all us trolls, otherwise I’ll
get a bit arsey and I might say something offensive at the goats passing
overhead.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">Who
knows? Maybe Galileo can lend me his Bible and calm me down.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">The beardy twat. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157950981557803096noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87294431527471679.post-28238656573567810622014-08-30T10:45:00.000-07:002014-11-10T15:47:19.346-08:00The NFL for English Noobs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg02Uw7S5NfehulP13J-RqqqK0OMyVcnynaCvAzXzpa_cvPGsyRT1JMavpeeHNKOYHOZiO2GV_C_tY-g9kBMQq7iiI3LZaV070LDrj2To979ZasqdvxDt5Cf0hdN16LSWlswaFdtFaYqkYM/s1600/025_ODOG_Denver.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg02Uw7S5NfehulP13J-RqqqK0OMyVcnynaCvAzXzpa_cvPGsyRT1JMavpeeHNKOYHOZiO2GV_C_tY-g9kBMQq7iiI3LZaV070LDrj2To979ZasqdvxDt5Cf0hdN16LSWlswaFdtFaYqkYM/s1600/025_ODOG_Denver.jpg" height="425" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If you switch the television on and catch the beginning of an opening
NFL game, just stop what you’re doing and allow yourself to absorb the
scene for a moment. Notice the colour, the fireworks, the cheerleaders,
the smoke, the razzmatazz – this is big time spectacle sport, this is
the NFL.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Some people will watch the NFL and be unperturbed by the splendour.
The bright colours will appear garish, the orchestrated crowd behaviours
will seem crass and the comments from the TV pundits will seem
ludicrously hyperbolic. To those people I say let your hair down and
enjoy it. I treat the NFL as American fast food. You can go through life
eating salads, dining out at Michelin star restaurants and ordering the
quail’s eggs on a bed of spinach but who doesn’t like to abandon
pretension every now and then and enjoy the occasional cheeseburger,
fries and milkshake at their local American restaurant?</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">That’s the NFL. You can pick holes in it and criticise all day, but it’s really good fun.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Don’t get me wrong, I was once like you, scoffing at this ‘American
rubbish’. Using the tired, worn out [and unfunny] ‘rugby for wimps’
catchphrases; complaining about the constant ad breaks; ridiculing just
how fat the defenders were; getting irked every time one of these
defenders performed a celebration dance just for tackling somebody.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">‘<i>What’s he dancing for? All he’s done is trip somebody up</i>‘, I would murmur in bemusement.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I hadn’t bothered to learn the rules of the game, nor did I know
anything about the players, the characters in the contests, the mind
games, the histories of the teams. Sporting jingoism kicked in and I
joined the hordes of other British people who just blindly dismiss the
game as being inferior to our sports.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It is extremely easy to just reject American Football outright for two main reasons:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Firstly, the game is incredibly complex. Even the refs don’t seem to
understand the rules a lot of the time. Add these complicated rules to a
wall of incomprehensible jargon [PAT, scrimmage, screen pass, icing the
kicker] and you’re left with something that takes a lot of patience and
learning to understand.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Even after two years of watching, I still probably understand about
50 per cent of the game [enough to enjoy it] and I’ve got no doubt that
should a proper NFL fan read this article they’ll be cringing at my
terminology. I can only imagine it’s the equivalent of an American guy
talking about this new game ‘Soccer’ and calling the box ‘the square’ ,
the penalty spot ‘the penalty dot’ and so on [to those people let me
prematurely apologise.]</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I think the other reason there’s a bit of hostility towards the sport
in the UK generally is that…..well….the type of British people who love
NFL are generally deemed to be quite ‘odd’.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Whenever the Super Bowl coverage on the BBC or Sky switches to check
in at the ‘Super Bowl party in London’ and these people in replica XXL
jerseys emerge to be interviewed, it’s usually as if ‘My Big Fat Gypsy
Wedding’ and the geeks from ‘Beauty and the Geek’ have collided to
engender a horrifying new spectacle.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">As if a Games Workshop store decided to lock the clientele in one night, on a total whim, and turned the place into a disco.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’m sure the attendees of the NFL UK events are all nice people, and
I’d get on with them if I ever made the pilgrimage down there in
February – but I can’t help feeling that they slightly hurt the image of
the game in the UK and cement its status as a niche interest.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If you give NFL a chance, learn the rules and the jargon and you
gloss over the existence of the Super Bowl London fans…you can learn to
love this sport, because it’s genuinely brilliant.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I got into the sport because I had a gambling problem of sorts. The
rain was a tappin’ on my window pane, the hour was 1am and I’d exhausted
all bets on the total number of corners in the Israeli Premier Division
match between Maccabi Haifa and a team whose name escapes me but it was
nought but a succession of vowels.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">But down there, an NFL match was about to begin. I blindly threw a
fiver at the Denver Broncos – 7. Woke up the next morning and my money
had doubled. A few more bets over the coming weeks and I was watching
the matches broadcast on Sky and Channel Four. The Denver Broncos would
be the team I’d support.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’ve always liked the idea of Colorado. It’s not East Coast, it’s not
West Coast, and so to the average Brit it remains quite a mysterious
kind of place. I also like ‘proper’ weather. Apparently in Colorado they
get non-stop snow from about October to April, and then in the summer
months it’s routinely 30 degrees plus.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">That sounds fantastic.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">White Christmases and boiling summers, one extreme or the other. My
kind of place. None of this cloud and mediocre drizzle we get here.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then factor in that Colorado is the home of South Park. The Broncos
are the team of Cartman, Randy, Stan, Mrs Garrison, Chef, Butters and
co.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Their logo is a horse that looks like its head’s on fire and their
quarterback is the greatest QB of all time – Peyton Manning, a guy who
is incomparable to any one character in our football. Someone who is
class personified. A walking manifestation of old school America. I
guess he’d be the equivalent of Zinedine Zidane’s ability and Clarence
Seedorf’s charm.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">When the Denver Broncos faced the Seattle Seahawks in last year’s
Super Bowl, the old me would have seen just two faceless teams. However,
on knowing a bit about the sport, two faceless teams became the story
of Peyton Manning [the ageing, all-time great] attempting to secure his
legacy and bring a Super Bowl to Denver, facing off against Seattle who
are famed for having the best defence in the NFL, hilariously nicknamed
the ‘Legion of Boom’ for their crunching tackles.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Once you know that background information, a sterile match between
two teams becomes quite an enthralling contest. Would Peyton Manning be
protected long enough to throw the ball, or would the Legion of Boom and
friends get to him and break his ageing bones?</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">As it happened Seattle thrashed Denver in a shocking turn of affairs.
Seattle’s defensive monsters trampled all over Denver and Peyton
Manning was roughed up to the point of physical abuse, getting no
protection from his offensive line.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">In American Football the offensive line are the chubby guys who stand
in front of the quarterback and try to stop the defenders from
crunching him. They’re bodyguards.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Imagine Peyton Manning is the Queen. Seattle’s defenders are Mike
Tyson, Ya Ya Toure and Joe Calzaghe, and they’re trying to beat up the
Queen. The only people attempting to stop that from happening are the
offensive line. If Seattle’s defence was personified as Mike Tyson,
Denver’s offensive line was Tyrion off Game of Thrones. A total
mismatch.</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcBgv6jcWBxEbdcWCWOfLk16_uwPl524HIWrAUzSHhIUFulDCshMf2uuz5YRLuGjDn7wRxj0XxlrG91d_1e-gaDD0FdZYZwRsC-vU98grdO-VnFKDYAZWZ7XjoXYW8QTB7_fF_w8ruiLM8/s1600/020214-NFL-Denver-Broncos-quarterback-Peyton-Manning-901-PI.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcBgv6jcWBxEbdcWCWOfLk16_uwPl524HIWrAUzSHhIUFulDCshMf2uuz5YRLuGjDn7wRxj0XxlrG91d_1e-gaDD0FdZYZwRsC-vU98grdO-VnFKDYAZWZ7XjoXYW8QTB7_fF_w8ruiLM8/s1600/020214-NFL-Denver-Broncos-quarterback-Peyton-Manning-901-PI.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></span></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">On Friday 5<sup>th</sup> September the journey to Super Bowl XLIX
begins as reigning champions the Seattle Seahawks host the attractively
uniformed Green Bay Packers with their yellow helmets, green jerseys and
yellow trousers in a matchup perfectly suited to catch the attention of
any newbie fan. Seattle are famed for having the most impressive home
form in the league [think Pulis’s Stoke], playing in a cold, wind-swept
stadium where the fans regularly scream so loud they’ve caused minor
earthquakes in the past.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Green Bay are hotly tipped to make the Super Bowl this year after
addressing their defensive concerns and holding onto one of the most
explosive offences in the NFL led by the brilliant Aaron Rodgers.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Unfortunately given our time differences the game isn’t being shown
until the wee hours of the morning, so Sky + this contest if you’ve got
to get up in the morning.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Once you understand the basic rules and you become aware of the
characters like Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers and the Legion of Boom,
the sport really does enrich a weekend’s afternoon.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">You quickly realise that the fat guys are fat for a reason – to
protect their quarterbacks with their bodies. The ad breaks in America
are great because they allow us to listen to the brilliant and often
funny views of pundits like Iron Mike Carlson in the studio. The
timeouts aren’t boring, but are actually used as a tactic, and if
they’re misused it can be the difference between a team winning and
losing.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Once you get your head around the idea that our football and the NFL
are beyond comparison, just as Jazz music is to Pop, you can enjoy both
types of sport. The non-stop and the tactical.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Good luck in taking your first step into the sporting Disney World
that is the NFL – and if you can pick a team using better reasons than
‘colour of uniforms’ and ‘weather’ then you’re a better man than me.</span></span><br />
<br />
<i></i><br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>* The NFL starts Thursday 4th September with reigning champions Seattle Seahawks facing off against Aaron Rodgers' Green Bay Packers*</i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157950981557803096noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87294431527471679.post-28539217209288119792014-07-10T16:20:00.000-07:002014-07-11T05:10:20.690-07:00The Germans<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj711yXe4nw44TkBW8tIOYfvMv6ezYpBerKC-MXNSSRcTH_Ukmh2GUJe5gmuEHKSwcaB2dfW13_wX0B7CEdJxyG0lTpe0qOvK7MfQDl4hMu_tNnb0RrM1HC5QYT6HqJze2-WiVs_9b-gBL6/s1600/germans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="World Cup Final, Germany v Argentina" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj711yXe4nw44TkBW8tIOYfvMv6ezYpBerKC-MXNSSRcTH_Ukmh2GUJe5gmuEHKSwcaB2dfW13_wX0B7CEdJxyG0lTpe0qOvK7MfQDl4hMu_tNnb0RrM1HC5QYT6HqJze2-WiVs_9b-gBL6/s1600/germans.jpg" height="340" title="The Germans" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The familiar humming noise vibrated in my ears. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">A small plane was above, cutting across the azure blue, cloudless Majorcan sky like a pair of scissors scoring through a flawless length of silk.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>'Pete's Bikes - 17? Impressionable? A prat? Rent a Quad Bike and take your life into your hands for 15 Euros an hour</i>' read the banner, loosely attached to the rickety aerial contraption being piloted by an indifferent Spaniard.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">One circling of the beach and it chuggered off, taking Pete's enticing message to the next resort. The firmament emptied and the chitter chatter of European voices were once again audible.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Rowett Senior was in the beach bar, reclining as he waited patiently for his daily cheese and onion toastie, he'd been joined by an elderly couple from Yorkshire. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"<i>What 'otel you stayin' at</i>?" enquired Des, readjusting his fisherman's hat and carefully placing his newspaper onto the table.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">"<i>The German one, just over there. It's quite nice actually," </i>responded Rowett Senior.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">"<i>Heh</i>" uttered Des, coolly twirling his Pina Colada so that the ice cubes in his glass made a thrashing noise. He leant forward, fixed my father with a stare to show he was making the salient point of the day, maybe the whole holiday. Time seemed to stand still as this old man began to impart his wisdom......"<i>The Germans don't stay in bad hotels".</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That remark will always stay with me. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm not sure why. Whether it's down to the way old Des delivered it, like he was some WWII soldier who had spent time amongst their ranks and had obtained this intel at great cost. Or whether it's because it's a hilarious stereotype that probably has no basis in anything - it's stayed with me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I don't care whether it's true or not, it's true to me damn it. The whole population of German are able to sniff out decent hotels if they find themselves in any location, any time period, facing any circumstances. God bless Des.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This was Sa Coma, 2008. The first time I'd really spent any prolonged period amongst groups of Germans.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I've never been to Germany. Germans have always been mysterious to me. The only exposure you tend to get to them is either as movie villains, football villains [because they've beaten England] or as walking stereotypes in Majorcan holiday resorts.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The kind of segregated places that make Apartheid South Africa look like a giant game of Twister.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">My dad would always point them out on early family holidays, '<i>bet they're Germans</i>' and sure enough you'd see a group of people with mullet hairstyles marching up the street, seemingly in their own world, wearing socks and sandals - although this was the mid 90s so perhaps dodgy hairstyles and fashion no nos weren't contained to just Deutschland. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Fast forward to 2008 and we'd booked up to go to Sa Coma and surprise my cousin who was over there celebrating her 40th birthday. They'd specifically booked this hotel because it was fantastic for her young children. A huge complex near the beach complete with a kids' club, computer rooms, water park, a mini golf course, a disco, all of it. We just didn't realise until we got there that the place was 90% German. The signs were in German, the hotel receptionists spoke German, the food and drink was German, the night time music was German [David Hasslehoff's hits and some folk music].</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I'd finally get my chance to lift up the veil of the secretive Germans and see what the fuss was about.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The most troubling difference to the norm was the food. The hotel was all inclusive, we ate in the restaurants in the bunker and queued up daily for our slop.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As your espadrilles slipped across the tiled floors, if you lifted your head and glared across the restaurant you would see innumerable counters which held buckets of pork and beef smothered in garlic and spices. Alongside the meats were plates of potato shapes, gherkins and tubs of mayonnaise. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Germans would help themselves to a slab of garlic pork, pile the potatoes and gherkins as a side and add a dollop of mayonnaise with utter glee. Hmm, bit unusual, but when in Dusseldorf do as the Germans do as Des would say.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Our party followed suit. As someone who doesn't eat red meat, I picked up a plate of potato wedges and gherkins and sat down.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Crunch.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The gherkins were quite hard and not much more palatable.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A German with a peculiar moustache and a monocle, looking like a Bavarian watchmaker, screeched his wooden chair backwards and walked up to get seconds.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"<i>Danke Frauline</i>," he uttered, as a female kitchen worker passed him a plate of gherkins, before eyeing up my portion on his return.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The cuisine was strange, but it was our first day. Live and let live. The situation only became problematic when it transpired that garlic pork, garlic beef, potato wedges and gherkins were the only options...every day.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Rowett Senior became mad with hunger, one day he burst through the crowds of sandal-wearing Germans and found a 21 year old Spanish lad pushing a food trolley around, smelling of Hugo Boss complete with Ronaldo-esque gelled hair.</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i> </i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>"Senior!...Every day....it's pork, potatoes, gherkins....every day....wha....wh...he.."</i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Rowett Senior grabbed the poor lad's shirt in sheer desperation.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> <i> </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>"Why? When's there going to be different options?"</i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>"I'm sorry....the Germans like it this way," </i>our apologetic hombre murmured, before trolleying off. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i> </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Rowett Senior fell into a pile onto the floor and wept.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I think it was not until day four that my diet of gherkins had taken an effect on my sanity. I was walking around the mini golf course and started to hallucinate. The clubs had become spaghetti strands, the balls were hard boiled eggs, the fish in the pond were salmon steaks. Everything looked like the food I'd once known. The flavours that had disappeared. I was Homer, when he flips out on Chief Wiggum's chilli and meets the space coyote.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When Rowett Senior had told Des that the hotel was quite nice, he wasn't lying. The hotel was immaculate and had fantastic facilities - the food was just terrible for an English palate.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>"Psstsh"</i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">What was that?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i> </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>"Psstsh, over heresh"</i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A dutch guy was sitting on the table next to us in the bar, dunking an orange peel into his Hoegaarden.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i> </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>"You do knowsh that you don'tsh have to eat in the restaurant?"</i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Brits, Dutch and Swedes would talk to one another in a sort of understanding of the minorities.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i></i><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>"Well..what do you mean mate?"</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>"The hotel opposhit. It'sh allied to thish hotel, you can use their restaurants if you book a table in the mornings. Get to reception at 9am. They have an Italian, Steakhouse and a Mexican. They're nicesh. The Germans keep it quiet so they can book all the tables".</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Oh you beautiful man. Now it was your people liberating us from starvation.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i> </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Our family huddled together. We had to get up early the next day and book the Italian. Get to reception at 9am.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The sun had risen. 8:50am. We danced out of our hotel rooms and tip-toed down the corridor like a gang of ninjas. Down the stairs we ran. Through the empty corridors. Into the reception...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There they were.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Hundreds of Germans. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">They'd been waiting since 6am.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Oh damn! Damn!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">All was lost.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There was no beating them.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We sadly shuffled to the back of the queue. At 9:02am a plump little Spanish woman paraded through reception, her high heels echoing around the great hall. The Germans were seething.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">9:02am</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Supposed to open at 9am</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">They were tapping their watches. Tutting aloud. Waving their arms in disgust.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I started laughing. The stereotype you see in the comedies and movies about them being ridiculously pernickety about such trivial things is absolutely true. Or it was in this instance.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Other differences I observed related to manners. You never got a 'danke' for holding doors open or for passing back a wayward beach ball in the pool. Around the bars nobody ever said please or thank you.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">'Einen coke' </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">'Einen bier'</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">They'd barely look at the Spanish barmen. I always made sure I'd ask the staff how they were and thank them when they served me up a drink.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Germans contempt for people in the service sector probably isn't cultural. I imagine you'd get a similar number of arseholes in majority English all inclusive resorts - especially those ones in Mexico and Egypt that are suddenly in vogue for the chavs.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYqtmUPR5PEEDXCdlP8zFaVUhQy0m_e2wCeh8cmaqeLejyEL9Ad-u35QmJfQFxhSpUQUKM_GnQzoMuYoqytHTuNF33VBoAWE0JofjqEmo82gM9h9oHmiG9Oqvwtmpx7Csps89BJSpk6BOM/s1600/7070.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="German hotel, Sa Coma" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYqtmUPR5PEEDXCdlP8zFaVUhQy0m_e2wCeh8cmaqeLejyEL9Ad-u35QmJfQFxhSpUQUKM_GnQzoMuYoqytHTuNF33VBoAWE0JofjqEmo82gM9h9oHmiG9Oqvwtmpx7Csps89BJSpk6BOM/s1600/7070.jpg" height="300" title="Sa Coma bar staff" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There's definitely something to the German stereotype though. During our two week stay in their hotel they did get up really early and nab all the sunbeds; the food was very much pork-based; they weren't quick to thank the staff - however, I quite liked it. It gave me a much needed laugh, distracted me from the gherkins and I think I preferred the quieter nature of the guests.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It's really easy [and fun] to portray the Germans are being secretly evil, or harbouring plans for a 'third-time-lucky' stab at world domination because they so often come across as being an extremely serious people, a nation of librarians.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">In the library of Europe the English and Dutch would be the rowdy types who keep talking [being shushed by the Germans] and generally causing mischief. Whereas the Germans would be the goody goody worker who never puts a foot wrong.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">But then if, on one occasion, that German librarian got pissed at the work's party and made a scene, the English and Dutch co-workers would be compelled to take the piss relentlessly forevermore because it was so out of character. I think that's essentially the source of the fun behind the German bashing part of our culture.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The problem is that there is a real chance our mockery of the Germans masks the notion that we are now essentially the villains in the world of football, and the Germans are the good guys.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Lahm, Mueller, Metresacker, Kroos not only speak well in the media, but they play the best football at the moment and they come across as hard-working, nice guys too.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Compare with our Jack Wilshere, Cleverley, Rooney, Luke Shaw types. Too busy taking instagram photos of themselves; needing to be seen wearing over-sized headphones as they emerge from various forms of transport. Seemingly not really giving a toss about the fans.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Germans will go over to their fans at the end of the game, hold hands and do a unified salute where they all raise their arms up and down.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Of course this is probably sensationalised. There's probably pictures of Lahm doing a post-match interview wearing over-sized headphones and Thomas Mueller might love a selfie.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">But it certainly <i>feels </i>like the Germans are more in touch with the ordinary fan and old school values and haven't been corrupted by rampant greed like our brats.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It was embarrassing when Bayern Munich had to step in and <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/jan/09/bayern-munich-subsidise-arsenal-ticket-cost" target="_blank">subsidise tickets in their away game at Arsenal</a> because the English club was avariciously profiteering off the goodwill of ordinary fans.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When Bayern Munich or Dortmund [who are owned by their fans] play against the likes of Chelsea [<a href="http://www.theguardian.com/football/2012/dec/02/borussia-dortmund-premier-league" target="_blank">a Russian oligarch's play thing, with a sickening level of wealth</a>] again it's easy to see who the bad guys are.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The English game is full of half empty stadiums, non-existent atmospheres. It's almost eaten itself. Compare and contrast with what we see in the Bundesliga. A league of full, bouncing stadiums. The whole town comes out to support its team. Tickets are cheap. People are drinking in the stands. The atmosphere is electric. It looks like really good fun.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The combination of having a national team comprised of hard-working, honest kids and a domestic league that looks after the working man makes the Germans....dare I say it.....quite likeable.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There you have it. Not only do they treat the fans better and protect football's soul but they've got a far better national team too. There's seemingly no benefit in us acting like twats.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">If the Germans do go all the way this Sunday and lift the World Cup I can't see many people complaining. I certainly wouldn't.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I might even have a celebratory plate of gherkins. </span></span>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157950981557803096noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87294431527471679.post-72364151799942384562014-07-06T11:18:00.002-07:002014-07-07T04:38:42.378-07:00The Krul Decision and Manchester United<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq5I7AHd9lWTTFCRvmRN7AN2VDRPoQ-64EzfBYCNbEUxTqfUCyJ37Guy6Ab2oqxZfZYQFu3BxpmnNC8pDfJvuxFQ-5Bg21HynfrOMG3-GWvUse14JF-Qt7fT8Ow3eOPCQylHBO6qfgFdou/s1600/wir-fanden-alle-dass-tim-der-bessere-torwart-waere-um-elfmeter-zu-halten-bonmdscoach-louis-van-gaal-und-sein-ersatztorwart-held-tim-krul.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Holland, Netherlands, Nederlands, Van Gaal, Tim Krul" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq5I7AHd9lWTTFCRvmRN7AN2VDRPoQ-64EzfBYCNbEUxTqfUCyJ37Guy6Ab2oqxZfZYQFu3BxpmnNC8pDfJvuxFQ-5Bg21HynfrOMG3-GWvUse14JF-Qt7fT8Ow3eOPCQylHBO6qfgFdou/s1600/wir-fanden-alle-dass-tim-der-bessere-torwart-waere-um-elfmeter-zu-halten-bonmdscoach-louis-van-gaal-und-sein-ersatztorwart-held-tim-krul.jpg" height="360" title="Tim Krul and Van Gaal celebrate The Netherlands penalty shootout victory" width="640" /> </a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Bang, bang, bang!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">If you live in Surrey, The South Coast or The West Country you were kept awake last night by the thudding noise of thousands of Manchester United fans jumping in celebration.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When Krul saved his first Costa Rican penalty the confetti filled the air of Poole. Thin ribbons of colour littered down as bumpkins in red shirts with 'Sharp' emblazoned across their chests emerged from taverns and joyously waltzed in the streets under the pale moon light. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Robin Van Persie cheekily poked his penalty into the net and was met with innumerable gin and tonics flying through the air in celebration across the bars of Epsom.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Manchester United are back.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I logged onto the football 365 forum and saw pages and pages of Irish Manchester United fans posting in sheer ecstasy: "<i>Van Gaal proved tonight he is a Manchester United manager</i>" noted one fan. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"<i>The rest of the league will be shitting themselves now</i>" hiccuped an excitable Finbarr of </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">Knocknaheeny. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">"<i>I have absolute unconditional faith in the gaffer</i>" stated Fintan of Rathangan.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">Hmm</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">There's a hint of desperation about the Manchester United fans. An eagerness to show everybody that they've '<i>still got it</i>'. It seems like they've tricked themselves into believing that the good times are definitely coming back too.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">To the outsider they look like a former tap dancing champion, who has become fat, with ill-fitting jeans slumping downwards, exposing a hairy arse crack. A sad figure that leafs through a tear-stained book of former memories, of a slimmer more graceful time.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">And then one day this character finds some golden shoes in a skip, and is convinced that this means that he's back to being the best in the world again. So the slob slips the golden shoes back on and bursts into the local tap dancing studio, running up to people, breathing foul breath all over them while proclaiming: 'Look at these new shoes, they're better than your shoes, I'm back, I'm the best!'</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">So he attempts to dance, and ends up tripping over his feet, spinning to and fro then falling onto the table of judges, smashing it to pieces before being carried out by paramedics.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Louis Van Gaal is a magical figure who will transform United into the league's powerhouse once again. Maybe the excitable provincial plastics are actually right to be so energised. We'll have to wait and see.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">I'm inclined to lean towards the idea that they're so wearied from Moyes that they're willing to find a messiah in anybody. The coach driver might have turned up, sat in the dugout and 60k United fans would chant his name in devotion. We were a bit like that in our worship of Hughton once we freed ourselves from the shackles of McLeish. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">Van Gaal stated today that the decision to swap Cillessen with Krul was down to the Newcastle goalkeeper's <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/28180659" target="_blank">greater height and reach </a>- which rather than being a masterstroke, appears more like common sense.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">Bizarrely however, the move was inadvertently a genius play because it gave the illusion that Krul was a master penalty saver, even if that wasn't what Van Gaal was attempting to do. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">If you were a Costa Rican player and you saw Krul coming on in the final seconds of extra time you'd think "Bloody hell, this guy must be the penalty king", which is perhaps enough to plant just enough doubt in the mind which leads you to miss your spot kick.</span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHVz2ByasTE1Ag0iPvpHixex1YjdpWV9Idp7gdWCfiKyu2CFFobbKI2olmbe4F7ttr4bxoT8IoWyNzIA37M7YV6AzFEOIhroTwo4C3iUrrt1HdIEgm8CLZmKTm7A_RN069vsrvt6rsqCQh/s1600/cillessen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Cillessen, Louis Van Gaal, Holland, Costa Rica, Netherlands" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHVz2ByasTE1Ag0iPvpHixex1YjdpWV9Idp7gdWCfiKyu2CFFobbKI2olmbe4F7ttr4bxoT8IoWyNzIA37M7YV6AzFEOIhroTwo4C3iUrrt1HdIEgm8CLZmKTm7A_RN069vsrvt6rsqCQh/s1600/cillessen.jpg" height="320" title="Cillessen gets substituted " width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">You had to feel for Cillessen, who had performed admirably for the whole match, including extra time, and kept the Dutch in the game at times. The pathos was enhanced because, despite being 25, he looks like a lost boy. If he had a beard, some tattoos, you might reflect...'He can take it, he's had a rough life, he's as hard as nails', but Cillessen has the aura of one of the players' younger brothers, who's been called up late to make the teams even and is just helping out.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">At the end, the Dutch players swamped Krul and celebrated with him for his five minute heroics, whilst the man who had kept the Costa Ricans out for 120 minutes stood in the background holding a towel being ignored. There was a particularly awkward moment where Cillessen approached Krul to shake his hand, but the tall goalkeeper just looked the other way and spoke to somebody else.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">Cillessen, even sounds like 'silly son'. Which is perhaps what Krul calls him away from the cameras.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">You can imagine the pair of goalkeepers in a Balearic nightclub, and a hot girl approaches Cillessen and seems keen. Krul comes over and tells him it's his round, by the time Cillessen returns Krul is neck deep in the stunner. Back in the hotel room Krul is having his fun with the girl whilst across the room in the other twin bed Cillessen is hiding under his duvet, pinching his ears to try and block out the terrible sounds.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">Although in fairness to the spurned keeper, he didn't skulk away during the penalty shootout and seemed to embody the 'team before the individual' spirit as he joined in with the celebrations.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">The Dutch move on to play Argentina in the semi-finals, in possibly the most eye-catching, old-skooly tie in the 2014 World Cup thus far.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">I'd like Holland, as the 'fun Germans', to go all the way and bring the cup back to Europe. I'll be continuing to support <i>De Oranje</i>. I think Robben has been the player of the tournament too. His engine is astonishing.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st">Let's just hope they can win the World Cup in circumstances where Van Gaal has as little input as possible, because these internet United fans are costing me a bleedin' fortune in smashed computer monitors.</span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span class="st"><br /></span></span></span>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157950981557803096noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87294431527471679.post-25924004301633618392014-07-02T18:34:00.000-07:002014-07-07T04:39:35.987-07:00Liverpool Must Keep Suarez<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-8weNuiDULeyWHA4B6-M79Ontv9ofxl7m3CvpNX3xdAblIefT6iXQrqWdTZrB2FxHwgx__cwcc3LkpuKaZRONIdUK9YP_21VApkcZLFyOYei8-4GimjU9ktMZQ5q2xJJAZiw6SlPtkojA/s1600/Luis-Suarez-Uruguay-World-Cup-2014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Luis Suarez, Liverpool, Barcelona, Bite, Uruguay" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-8weNuiDULeyWHA4B6-M79Ontv9ofxl7m3CvpNX3xdAblIefT6iXQrqWdTZrB2FxHwgx__cwcc3LkpuKaZRONIdUK9YP_21VApkcZLFyOYei8-4GimjU9ktMZQ5q2xJJAZiw6SlPtkojA/s1600/Luis-Suarez-Uruguay-World-Cup-2014.jpg" height="360" title="Luis Suarez close to Liverpool exit" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"We're all sweating in here, the air conditioning is broken" coughed a dehydrated Gary Lineker.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Alan Shearer unfurled a cotton napkin and mopped the sweat off his dripping bald bonce. "Eeh mon, I think they should ban Suarez for the World Cup like. This guy is a disgrace. Three bites.....and you're out. Get it? Bites, not strikes, but bites?".</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Very good" spat a bored Lineker.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Shearer glared at the cameras in smug satisfaction, like a simple child who had pleased its master by sweeping the leaves off the driveway into a neat pile, unaware that they'll just blow back into a mess five minutes later when the next gust of wind comes.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Is he just insane? Does he need help? What is his issue?" whined the Bogglin-faced Chiles on the other channel, sitting resplendent in River Island's Summer 2010 gear. He pulled nervously at the rope on his military style, three-quarter length combat shorts. "Liverpool surely have to sell him now?"</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Guys, I don't see, erm, yer know, erm, I don't see, erm, like how he stays at Liverpool to be fair guys, erm" opined Ray Parlour on Talksport.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Hawksbee and Jacobs giggled in agreement.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"He should be banned from the World Cup....and....locked in jail....forever" decreed Danny Mills, in a rant which reminded us all of that Simpson's scene where Lisa, her children and her children's children are banned from the Jebediah Springfield museum.....for three months.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Diddy Hamman is the latest to write why Liverpool should sell their toothy asset. I haven't read his piece but I imagine it's roughly a thousand or so words stressing the need to preserve Liverpool's worldwide reputation, an emotionless plea to cash in quick before the next full moon rises and Luis bites again.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">But....I haven't really heard a decent argument as to why Liverpool should sell Luis [maybe I should read Diddy's article]. The whole notion doesn't make sense.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So we expect Liverpool to sell arguably the best striker in the world to a top four or Champions League rival?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Why is it OK for a rival to buy Suarez but it's totally unacceptable for Liverpool to hold onto him?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Surely he either retires from football indefinitely or Liverpool should just keep him? Why should a different team profit from Suarez's ability?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It's a bit like owning a beautiful [ok, maybe not beautiful] diamond and then some bloke walks up to you and says...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Whoah, you need to get rid of that diamond straight away."</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You respond "....why?"</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Well, err, because it's a blood diamond. Loads of Africans have died to mine that rock, and hey man, like it's totally immoral for you to keep it."</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"......ok, fine, i'll just chuck it in the bin"</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"No! No...just give it to me, i'll have it."</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">".....but I thought you said it was immoral to keep it?"</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">" Yeah, it is...for you, but <i>I want it</i>."</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">And then Suarez signs for Barcelona, they face Liverpool in the Champions League semi final, he scores against the scousers and knocks them out, that would be a nonsense.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Well, when they're sitting in Toxteth Rileys snooker bar come next May, watching Suarez lift the European Cup in Barcelona colours on a humming tv screen in the corner of the room as some locals continually push 50p into the jukebox and play Akon's hits over and over again- at least they can say the club did the right thing.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It's not about success, it's about being moral apparently.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">That reads like an Arsenal fan's end of season review.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Liverpool must build a team around Luis Suarez. Revel in their villainous status. If you're liked by neutrals, you're not winning. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Will you accept Alan Shearer taking the moral high ground when he has crumbs of Neil Lennon's cranium still encrusted on his shoes?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Will you give credence to the views of United, Arsenal and Chelsea fans who have long dined out on constant top four finishes and fear a resurgent Liverpool?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Will you listen to the likes of Paul Scholes who was as silent as a dormouse during his playing days, but is now so desperate to forge out a media career that he'll bark on command whenever Paddy Power throws him a biscuit?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Must Liverpool sell Suarez to Barcelona? Who so gruesomely pumped Messi full of hormones and chemicals. Who employ the tricheurs Alves and Busquets? Who say that they will not besmirch their shirts with sponsors as they are 'mes que un club', but now whore themselves out to parts of the Middle East where slave-like Indian manual workers fall and die in ignominy every time you blink. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You know the answer Scousies. Tell the rest to get stuffed. In football nobody remembers the sporting, they only remember the winners. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Liverpool must keep their star man and ignore the morality lessons from violent former pros; corrupt institutions and rival football clubs with an interest in seeing the Reds suffer. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Let Suarez's goals do the talking next season, bring home some trophies and silence your detractors. That has to be a better course of action than just meekly bowing out.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Liverpool can't afford to sacrifice their future in order to be martyrs of morality, and neither should they. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Martyrdom is so very final. Whereas a Lambert, Sturridge and Suarez attacking triumvirate is so full of possibilities. </span></span><br />
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